Future Future, what type of person am I? Am I the type who just has fun and accomplishes nothing, or am I the lonely soul living wholly for her art, and which of these two is better? No it’s not that simple, but these questions come to mind nonetheless.
Recently I have not been feeling motivated. I have been tired, hating work, liking coffee too much, and only thinking about being petted. I only exercised three times last week! I have become obsessed with sushi.
I have become sick because I have eaten too many acidic things – some of which I drank ahem ahem. Now I am drinking coffee at Philz…hmmm. Other than that I have been good, cuttingh myself off from certain foods (at least this week). I have also lost weight. WOHOO.
BUT, lately I don’t feel like waking up in the morning or doing much of anything. Ever since I heard that I may not be able to do the lengthy media training at the Bay Area Video Coalition I have become extremely discouraged. I know that it’s not the end of the world and that I can still take courses there, but I am very upset. I was putting a lot into that program, and I was incredibly excited about it. I have also missed the deadline for pretty much every kind of affordable class in the bay area. I tried getting into screenwriting at CCSF, but they assured me that there was no way. Fortunately I have found a screenwriting class in berkeley but it will be $350 as opposed to $60. I swear, next semester I am going to be taking so many fucking classes, and I will register for them ALL ON TIME. Photography, art, EVERYTHING.
In any case I’m confused. I am tired and confused. What should I be doing? I know that writing this makes me feel better, and now whoever is reading is realizing I’m writing a lot. I always do when I’m confused and sad.
Here is something to keep in mind from Tarot.com:
Keep in Mind this Month: Focus on what you are trying to accomplish rather than on your shortcomings to best overcome any self-doubt and to ultimately reach your objective.
I need to get that through my head, it makes me hopeful.
